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Post by escort on Aug 30, 2004 20:11:41 GMT
these jokes are not to be meant offensive to blondes but only for a bit of fun [glow=red,2,300]Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine? A: "Daddy! can I go to Miami!
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? A: There are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.
Q: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!
Q: Why do blondes have square breasts? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: Why can't blondes count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag? A: "Mary... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747? A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Thanks, guys!"
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Post by escort on Aug 30, 2004 20:12:36 GMT
[glow=red,2,300]A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
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Post by escort on Aug 30, 2004 20:13:47 GMT
[glow=red,2,300]Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job.
Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. [/glow]
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Post by escort on Aug 30, 2004 20:14:42 GMT
[glow=red,2,300]Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience!
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper.
Q: What will a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A: Cause their balls show!
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: It's the only car name they can spell.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block.
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A: Introduces herself.
Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door.
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Post by escort on Aug 30, 2004 20:16:48 GMT
[glow=red,2,300]There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set. One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two. After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead. "There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette. "No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait. Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde "What took you so long?" "What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!"
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Post by escort on Aug 30, 2004 20:17:48 GMT
[glow=red,2,300]A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." "No, from all that skipping."[/glow]
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Post by escort on Aug 30, 2004 20:18:18 GMT
[glow=red,2,300]Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room.
Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex ? A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A: She drops her nail-file
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A wine cellar.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
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Post by michele cryer on Aug 31, 2004 1:17:18 GMT
OOOH...u naughty man escort...expect a big backlash from any blondes on here....so politically Incorrect!!!!! LOLOL
Michele
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Post by michele cryer on Sept 17, 2004 2:09:27 GMT
1. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? (You have to hollow out the head.)
2. Why won't they hire blondes as pharmacists? (They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.)
3. Hear about the blonde that got an AM RADIO? (It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.)
4. What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? (They drowned during Spring Training.)
5. Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? (To see what was on the other side.)
6. How did the blonde die drinking milk? (The cow stepped on her.)
7. How did the blonde burn her nose? (Bobbing for French fries.)
8. Why do blondes have more fun? (They're easier to amuse.)
9. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? (Frosted flakes.)
10. Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? (They keep breaking them with their hammers.)
11. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air? (She missed.)
12. What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear? (Data transfer.)
13. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children? (Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.)
14. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? (She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.)
15. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? (She needed them for the darkroom she was building.)
16. Why are Asians so smart? (No blondes.)
17. What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde? (You get to park in the Handicapped Zone )
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Post by Diana Dors on Sept 18, 2004 11:33:13 GMT
Escort, darling - Diana Dors here, you appear to be having a conversation with yourself. I've come back from the grave just for you, hopefully to save your soul - if not all lost already!!?? It was a nice picture of you with your kid, so perhaps there is hope. Now then, on the blonde thing - take it from an expert - there are many women, including myself, particularly in the entertainment industry that have taken this 'dumb blonde' stereotype and turned it around - snatched it back and had a bit of a laugh with it. We camp it up to the extreme - and throw it back to you. Check out my little paperback 'The A-Z of Men'. Working class women fight back in many different ways - often ignored by middle class feminists and movements. We take back your silly little fantasies - and throw them back in your face, can you see the joke. Beware the blonde - the joke may well be on you my sweets! I'll be coming back to help you again soon. Best wishes, Darling, Dr. Dors xxxx www.dixiechicks.com
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Post by michele cryer on Sept 18, 2004 14:47:04 GMT
LOL....but are u all 'true' blondes...or just 'bottle blondes'? clever Brunettes...
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~*~steos fruit pastil~*~
Junior Member
so many people told me i couldn't win, look at me now.....i believe.....and all because of stephen!
Posts: 71
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Post by ~*~steos fruit pastil~*~ on Sept 27, 2004 21:49:20 GMT
oi i'm a real blonde and i bleach it too!!! if those jokes are true i must be super thick and such a whore!! but i'm not !!! i know a joke, i know a joke ;D how many blondes does it take to make cookies? 31, 1 to make the dough and 30 to peal the smarties!!! and yes, i did think of that all by myself LMFAO!!! stef
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~*~steos fruit pastil~*~
Junior Member
so many people told me i couldn't win, look at me now.....i believe.....and all because of stephen!
Posts: 71
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Post by ~*~steos fruit pastil~*~ on Sept 27, 2004 21:50:43 GMT
hey my w h o r e comment got turned into sleeper
BAHAHAHAAA!! i read wanker in another post, i think thats a lil worse than w h o r e
dont ya think
am i being blonde LOL!!!
stef
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Post by michele cryer on Sept 28, 2004 3:47:48 GMT
LOL Stef..well done for sticking up for you blondes!! and yes, the censor on this site is a bit crap isn't it? wonder if it will say crap or poo!!! LOL
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Post by escort on Sept 28, 2004 13:29:36 GMT
ok his is a relpy to diana as i said b4 i started to do my jokes its no offensie to blondes i have been out with a few yself some of the jokes are true i found that out fo my self lol but blondes unlike whatthe amricans say are somtimes very clever it mustbe just a blonde dye they use lol
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