Post by michele cryer on Sept 8, 2004 1:48:10 GMT
ThisModernWorld: Parellel Earth election
Posted by **And We Are** on Sep 6, 2004 at 4:43:05 AM:
This Modern Word by Tom Tomorrow
Once again, it's time to check in on...
PARELLEL EARTH!
As longtime readers willl undoubtebly recall, our interdimmensional counterparts had a little trouble with THEIR last presidential election too.
PARELLEL AL GORE: "And so, due to this previously unnoticed quirk in our election laws, I must concede the presidency to a SMALL CUTE DOG!"
SMALL CUTE DOG: "Arf!"
Now, almost four years later, parellianians are BITTERLY DIVIDED... many strongly support the President, no matter WHAT...
MAN 1: "His brain may be the size of a WALNUT... but he IS decisive!"
WOMAN 1: "He doesn't need a FOCUS GROUP to tell HIM what to pee on!"
--while many others OPPOSE him just as ADAMANTLY!
MAN 2: "Look, parellel Senator Kerry might not be the most CHARISMATIC candidate we've ever seen -- but at least he is able to say more than 'arf arf'!"
MAN 3: "AND he has OPPOSABLE THUMBS!"
Ultimately, the outcome of the parellel election may be determined by a handful of UNDECIDED VOTERS!
UNDECIDED VOTER 1: "During the small cute dog's presidency, we've had a terrorist attack, skyrocketing deficits and a disastrous war..."
UNDECIDED VOTER 2: "--but how do we know his opponent won't REALLY screw things up?"
In an effort to SWAY these voters, supporters of the President have been attacking Parellel Kerry's WAR RECORD.
UNDECIDED VOTER 3: "They have inconclusive evidence suggesting that he may not be QUITE as heroic as he claimed!"
UNDECIDED VOTER 4: "Well then -- I'm votin' for the DOG!"
Astonishingly, it has become one of the biggest contraversies of the parellel campaign.
ACTION McNEWS NEWSCASTER 1: "Coming up next: IS Parellel Senator Kerry to replace a SMALL CUTE DOG whose BRAIN is no bigger than a WALNUT? Our experts DEBATE the issue!"
ACTION McNEWS NEWSCASTER 2: "But FIRST -- footage of the President posing with SOLDIERS and FLAGS!"
Will the small cute dog WIN? Stay TUNED!
===================
awa
Posted by **And We Are** on Sep 6, 2004 at 4:43:05 AM:
This Modern Word by Tom Tomorrow
Once again, it's time to check in on...
PARELLEL EARTH!
As longtime readers willl undoubtebly recall, our interdimmensional counterparts had a little trouble with THEIR last presidential election too.
PARELLEL AL GORE: "And so, due to this previously unnoticed quirk in our election laws, I must concede the presidency to a SMALL CUTE DOG!"
SMALL CUTE DOG: "Arf!"
Now, almost four years later, parellianians are BITTERLY DIVIDED... many strongly support the President, no matter WHAT...
MAN 1: "His brain may be the size of a WALNUT... but he IS decisive!"
WOMAN 1: "He doesn't need a FOCUS GROUP to tell HIM what to pee on!"
--while many others OPPOSE him just as ADAMANTLY!
MAN 2: "Look, parellel Senator Kerry might not be the most CHARISMATIC candidate we've ever seen -- but at least he is able to say more than 'arf arf'!"
MAN 3: "AND he has OPPOSABLE THUMBS!"
Ultimately, the outcome of the parellel election may be determined by a handful of UNDECIDED VOTERS!
UNDECIDED VOTER 1: "During the small cute dog's presidency, we've had a terrorist attack, skyrocketing deficits and a disastrous war..."
UNDECIDED VOTER 2: "--but how do we know his opponent won't REALLY screw things up?"
In an effort to SWAY these voters, supporters of the President have been attacking Parellel Kerry's WAR RECORD.
UNDECIDED VOTER 3: "They have inconclusive evidence suggesting that he may not be QUITE as heroic as he claimed!"
UNDECIDED VOTER 4: "Well then -- I'm votin' for the DOG!"
Astonishingly, it has become one of the biggest contraversies of the parellel campaign.
ACTION McNEWS NEWSCASTER 1: "Coming up next: IS Parellel Senator Kerry to replace a SMALL CUTE DOG whose BRAIN is no bigger than a WALNUT? Our experts DEBATE the issue!"
ACTION McNEWS NEWSCASTER 2: "But FIRST -- footage of the President posing with SOLDIERS and FLAGS!"
Will the small cute dog WIN? Stay TUNED!
===================
awa